Chapter Text
"Fancy seeing you here." A familiar smug voice said to him. Jaekyung didn't even bother looking at who was sliding into the stool next to him. "It's been a while, Jaekyung." Heesung grinned.
Jaekyung felt his already lousy mood immediately sour even more. Heesung was the single person he wanted to avoid today. He didn't have the energy to put up with him any other day, let alone today, as he sulked in the corner at the bar in Xy Club.
"I heard about your breakup with our favourite little physical therapist." Heesung practically sang the words as they left his mouth. "My condolences."
He could feel the rage bubbling inside of him. He quickly took a sip of his pop, trying to calm down the anger he naturally felt whenever Heesung was around. It never used to be this bad, but in the past few months, it seemed even just seeing his specific shade of pink hair put him on edge.
"A martini, please!" Heesung ordered, finally focusing on something else that was trying to piss Jaekyung off.
He didn't even feel like being there anymore. Not that he really wanted to be in the first place, but Heesung's words annoyed him, and now all he wanted to do was retreat back to his home, where he'd practically been hiding for weeks since his suspension.
I'll leave after my drink, he thought to himself. And even that felt too long as he lifted the can of pop to his mouth again, noticing the weight on it still indicated it was more than halfway full.
"What did you do this time, hm?" Heesung continued, swivelling his chair to give Jaekyung all of his attention. "Did he run off just like the rest?"
"Are you f*cking done?" Jaekyung finally snapped, breaking his determined silence.
All Heesung did was smile, plucking his olive
From his drink and popping it into his mouth.
"You know, it's such a pity, really." He continued, rocking back and forth on his stool. "That man really was an angel." He grinned, lazily resting on the palm of his hand that kept his head up. His dreamy expression made Jaekyung feel all the more nauseated.
He took a sip of his drink, grinning as if he were keeping a secret.
"He really did seem to care about you, unlike the rest," Heesung said casually as if he meant nothing by it. But Jaekyung knew there was more. There had to be. He was clearly taking great joy in bothering him at this moment.
"When I was in my wooing stage and tried to win over our good Doc, never once did he express a desire for anything. Such a humble man." He reminisced, taking another sip of his martini. Jaekyung rolled his eyes at how dramatic he was being. "Except he did pick out a pair of sunglasses he thought would suit you."
"What exactly are you getting at?" He grunted, finally falling into Heesung's trap. His smile grew so wide it practically went from ear to ear.
"Oh, nothing!" He hummed, feeling satisfied that he had successfully pissed off Jaekyung. Heesung loved nothing more than getting on his bad side. They weren't friends, and he wanted to ensure they never would be. Not that he ever thought for a second Jaekyung would want to be his friend. He didn't think Jaekyung even had any. He just wanted to make it evident that their distaste for one another was mutual and never-ending.
He watched as Jaekyung took two large gulps from his drink.
"Well, anyways, I just hope he's doing better!" Heesung grinned. "It's not like you were ever going to deserve him anyway!"
He winced when he heard the same of a can from beside him. He was a bit shocked to see Jaekyung having a small outburst. Usually, he was on his best behaviour here. He must've hit a particularly sensitive nerve.
"And what, you think you, of all people, would?" Jaekyung practically growled. Heesung's eyes widened in response. "You think buying sh*t for him and f*cking him until you eventually threw him to the curb because you got bored means you deserve him? f*ck this." He huffed, standing up abruptly and throwing a few bills on the counter for the bartender. He didn't even bother finishing his drink, but he was done listening to Heesung run his mouth. "You're no f*cking better than I am." He quickly added before walking away.
And truth be told, that statement shocked him. It was a telling confession that maybe he felt bad about how he treated Dan even though he had refused to admit to himself that he had done anything wrong. And normally he had always held himself higher in regards to Heesung. He felt like he was always the better person because at least the men he slept with knew what kind of person he was. They knew they weren't there to be his boyfriend and to fall in love. They were there for him to f*ck, and that's that.
Whereas Heesung seemed to get off on making men fall for him, only to shatter their hearts out of pure boredom. And while Jaekyung didn't particularly care for people at all, he still knew better than to mess with people's heads like that.
He tried to storm out, wanting nothing more than to run out of that place, but Heesung quickly caught his arm. Jaekyung wanted to throw up when he noticed the mischievous glint in his eyes.
"What do you-"
"Now that I think about it," Heesung said, tapping a slender finger against his chin. "When I asked you all those months ago if you had feelings for him, you never really did deny it." Heesung smiled, his eyes closed in pure delight.
Jaekyung pulled his arm back, brushing by two older-looking men as he rushed out of the building. It was only minutes before he was back in the safety of his car, away from any pink-haired scumbags whose life goal seemed to be to piss him off.
He felt like sh*t.
He felt like sh*t as he drove home in silence.
He felt like sh*t as he practically dragged his body into his building and into the elevator.
And he felt like sh*t as he laid down in Dan's old bed, using the excuse that he didn't want his outside clothes touching his bedding or else he would have to wash it before he could sleep.
He hated feeling like this, and yet every day, he woke up alone in his sterile and cold house, feeling like absolute and undeniable sh*t.
He felt like a teenager again, wanting to scream into his pillow. Every second since he lost his fight with Junmin, he felt like screaming until his lungs hurt.
To make it even worse, he didn't deserve to lose. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad to lose to a respectable fighter. Someone who actually matched his skill and dedication.
But no, instead, he lost to a little rat whose team had to cheat to get him there. Even his stupid antagonizing skit at the hospital was all a ploy to not only take away his title but to also destroy his reputation.
And Jaekyung knew he was partially to blame. He had never had an issue with his temper before. Even though he knew it made people fear and hate him, it got him to where he was in his career. His rage and incessant need to win is why he was so good.
But as he lay down in Dan's old bed, he found himself wishing that maybe it would've been better for once in his life if he had calmed down. If he could've just ignored Junmin and his bullsh*t antics. If he could've thought level-headed for a moment to realize that Dan, who had been nothing but dedicated to him for months, would never intentionally hurt him.
He had every opportunity to take advantage of Jaekyung. To ask for more than Jaekyung had already forced upon him, and yet…the only thing Dan had even remotely wanted from him was to wear condoms when they had sex.
Jaekyung laughed bitterly, reminding himself that he didn't actually care that Dan was gone. He didn't care that he had hurt his feelings. No matter how caring Dan had been to him, it didn't matter. Dan was no more important than any of the other men he had f*cked before. Kim Dan was a tool for his Jinx; eventually, he would forget about him just like the rest.
But deep down, he knew that wasn't true. Locked away in a part of his brain, he knew that there was something different about him the moment he laid eyes on Dan. He had never gone to great lengths to find other guys to sleep with. He usually went to the club and picked a guy he thought was hot, and that was the end of the story. He rarely bothered to remember their names. What their actual jobs were. Half the time, he only f*cked them from behind because he didn't even want to look at them. And if they ever passed out in his bed, he would wait for a bit only to wake them up and tell them they had to go.
Dan was glaringly different from them. Not only did he practically force Dan to live with him, but he also paid a substantial amount of money to ensure that he would always be by his side. He even met his grandmother, the only relative Dan seemingly had. He didn't exactly know why he visited it, but Jaekyung was just glad that Dan accepted his bullsh*t excuse of wanting to make sure Dan hadn't been lying and that he had a very sick grandmother.
He didn't regret it, though. He genuinely enjoyed the few hours he had spent with the elderly woman. It was clear to him that she wasn't going to get better. Her sad smile when she fondly told Jaekyung about how hard Dan worked to pay for her treatments was all he needed to know that Dan was only essentially extending her death sentence. And yet he still found himself inserting his credit card into the machine to pay for a few more months of treatment after she thanked him for being Dan's friend.
He couldn't even bring himself to laugh despite the fact that he and Dan were very much not friends and never would be, but the sincerity in her face and voice did something to him. Maybe he wasn't such a cold-hearted bastard like Namwook Hyung thought.
He threw Dan's fluffy comforter over his body, wanting his brain to just shut up. Typically, his thoughts were filled with his voice screaming at him about how he could be better. How he could be stronger and better.
But now, he found himself thinking about Dan most nights. Sometimes, he thought about how much he hated him. How he hated how meek he was. How much of a crybaby he could be.
But other nights, he thought about what Dan might be up to, where he was, and if he was okay, but he would always cut himself off from thinking about it anymore. Sometimes, his thoughts could border enemy territory, and he wasn't exactly ready to face that can of worms yet.
He didn't know precisely what made Dan so different, so worth the extra effort Jaekyung put in. He didn't understand why he allowed himself to sleep beside Dan on a few different occasions. Or why he practically forced him to live at his house. He refused to think too heavily about it because he did know the answer. He just pretended he didn't.
"I need to f*ck." He groaned, throwing the blanket off his body and reaching for his phone.
He scrolled through his past messages, staring at random phone numbers. He refused to ever save his f*ck buddies' names. Instead, he just used context clues in their conversation to figure out who it was.
He lazily thumbed through his phone until he found the number he was looking for.
He didn't know the guy's name because, of course, he didn't, but he was the last guy he slept with before Dan. He couldn't remember much about him, but he was enough of Jaekyung's type to get the job done.
He quickly sent the text and smirked when he got a reply within minutes.
"b there in 30 minutes." The text said.
Alright, Jaekyung thought to himself. Just the distraction he needed.
He finally left Dan's bed…his guest bed, before heading back to his room. He opened up his bedside drawer to see if he still had any condoms and was relieved to see he had a strip left. He hated using them, but he refused to risk getting any diseases.
He was pleased to hear the buzz on his phone, letting him know someone was trying to get in. He practically jogged to his door, needing to get things started.
The familiar green-haired guy didn't even get a chance to say hi before Jaekyung pulled him into his house and threw him onto his bed.
The guy giggled. "Someone's eager." He winked. Jaekyung ignored him, stripping off his own clothes and the other man's as well.
If he squinted heavily and ignored his awful hair, he would have looked like Dan. Sure, his eyes weren't the same gentle and kind eyes he had dreamed of, and his skin felt inhumanly soft. His ass definitely wasn't as nice, and he smelled sickly sweet instead of warm and spicy, but he could fool himself into believing he was someone else. If Jaekyung closed his eyes fully, maybe he could trick himself into thinking that the person he was f*cking was the actual person he wanted it to be.
But his moans were all wrong, and he talked way too f*cking much for someone who had such an aggravating voice.
And usually, Jaekyung savoured taking his time if he wasn't in a rush. The longer the f*ck, the better he typically slept. Yet he found himself just wanting to come as soon as possible. And despite the loud whimpering from the green-haired guy below him, he wasn't even remotely enjoying it.
Everything about it felt wrong, so he increased his speed, holding onto the guy's hips with a vicious grip.
He let his eyes fall shut, conjuring images of past times with Dan. Thinking of how it felt to f*ck Dan instead. How his ass was softer, practically having moulded to his co*ck. His noises were so delicate that it was like music to Jaekyung's ears.
He even thought about the night of his birthday, a memory he had forbidden himself from ever thinking about.
He thought about how Dan's body tasted heavenly sweet. How his face was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen as he slowly came apart from pleasure- Pleasure that Jaekyung was giving him.
He had never enjoyed sex more in his life, and he was only partially coherent. He didn't remember the whole evening because of drunken haze, but he remembered how it felt biting into Dan's buttery skin and feeling impossibly turned on as he left deep red marks wherever he could. He remembered f*cking Dan slowly, his co*ck hitting him in all the right places, hearing Dan scream his name out.
But as he remembered stroking their co*cks together and having an earth-shattering org*sm that, for the first time in his life, made him pass out, he finally felt the warmth in his lower stomach. He was close, and his own panting was covering up the heinous whines from below.
Jaekyung could feel that what's his name was close. He had been jerking himself off for the past ten minutes when he felt the familiar clench of an ass contracting around his co*ck. He came with a quiet groan, wasting no time in pulling out.
While whatever his name was lying on his bed, catching his breath, Jaekyung had stood up, quickly pulling the filled condom off and tying it up before throwing it in the garbage.
He also got dressed relatively fast, pulling on boxers and the shirt he had grabbed from the floor. Normally, he was comfortable being naked. He had grown up in dressing rooms; changing in front of men was just part of the job. But he found himself feeling oddly vulnerable and maybe a bit ashamed as he threw the hundred-dollar bills at the man who was now thankfully getting dressed.
Jaekyung tried to keep his back to him, hopefully signalling that the already quiet man had no intention of having a conversation. But he was a talker during sex, so it wasn't that surprising when he started to talk.
"I was surprised when you called me." He huffed, still clearly out of breath. "The other guy must've not worked out then." He continued, buttoning up his shirt.
That got Jaekyung's attention.
"What guy?" He asked, sounding more interested than he intended.
A spark lit in the other guy's eyes. "Y'know. The cutie with an angel face and doe eyes." He laughed, zipping up his pants. He seemed to notice the confusion on Jaekyung's face. "When you kicked me out mid-session the last time, he was here. Poor guy."
Jaekyung didn't respond. What would he say anyway?
"I ran into him once after that, though. He delivered food to my place." He said, waiting for Jaekyung to let him out. He hated that he felt the need to send these men off because he had trust issues and didn't want any of them to do any snooping. Jaekyung did, however, want to hear more about his meeting with Dan.
He knew Dan had a side job. He didn't know for how long, but after multiple nights of hearing him sneak off into the night, Jaekyung wasn't stupid enough to think nothing was going on. And at first, he had convinced himself that Dan was sneaking off to be with another man. Or even worse, a woman. But after two weeks, it was clear he was following a routine. Which most likely meant a part-time job.
It annoyed him at first because what could he possibly need money for? Jaekyung paid for all the food and hygiene essentials. He even had his maid let him know if any of Dan's products were running low. And if he needed or wanted something within reason, which Jaekyung knew it would be, Dan was free to ask him, which he thought he had made clear.
"I think it's for the best you got rid of him." The green-haired guy smiled.
Jaekyung humoured him by asking why.
"I mean, I get to reap his old benefits again. But also, I think he was getting slightly too attached." He said flirtatiously. Jaekyung couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes. He hated being flirted with. But he was trying to keep himself from getting too annoyed and just opened the door, urging buddy guy to get out.
However, before Jaekyung could shut the door, he turned back around.
"I guess what I'm saying is I'm glad I set that guy straight." He practically sang, reminding Jaekyung of Heesung earlier that night. He was getting tired of people who meant nothing to him playing coy. "I told him he was a tool just like the rest of us. I just had to make him realize he was nothing special."
That seemed to be the final straw as Jaekyung felt his anger boil over, and when the green-haired guy noticed, his eyebrows went up in shock before a slimy grin appeared on his face. "Oh. Maybe he was something special."
"I swear to god if you don't-"Jaekyung began to shout as no name put his hands up, surrendering.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm f*cking leaving." He grunted, stomping away to the elevator.
Jaekyung slammed his door shut as quickly as he could, but not before he heard the other guy shout out that he didn't realize Jaekyung could care about someone else.
He didn't care about Dan. He didn't care about anyone other than maybe Yosep and Namwook Hyung, and even then, he would never say that out loud.
It just pissed him off even more to think that someone thought Dan meant more to him. Whatever his name was right. Dan was nothing special. He was just a f*cking tool, and that's all he would ever be in Jaekyung's mind. Sure, he had just gotten off thinking about him during sex. But their sex just felt extra good. That didn't mean anything.
He felt so angry that all he wanted to do was hit something. If it weren't for the fact that he respected his house way too much, he would've put a hole straight through the drywall.
"I f*cking feel like sh*t." He practically growled, hating himself for saying that same phrase over and over again. His f*ck session was supposed to take his mind off of things, not make him feel any worse.
He slowly faced his wall, gently banging his forehead against it. He didn't understand what was going on with him. He should be focussing on getting his career back in order, not fussing over some f*cking guy. He needed to stop acting like a kid with a schoolgirl crush.
"Pathetic." He grunted, pressing his head against the wall one last time before heading to his shower.
He went straight to his room before pausing as he looked at the ruffled sheets on his bed, his stomach slightly churning as he remembered what he had just done. Who he just f*cked. And despite his bedroom being the size of some apartments, he suddenly felt suffocated. Wanting to be anywhere else but there.
He picked his pyjamas at first before grabbing a few changes of clothes and heading to Dan's-his guest room. Luckily, he kept the ensuite filled with products he used. He was particular about scents, so it was easier to just buy the same sh*t for Dan, even down to the toothpaste.
So he made his way back to Dan's room, his guest room, and went through his nightly routine there. Showering away the smell of cheap cologne and sex, scrubbing his skin raw because despite being his second shower that day, he felt extra disgusting. He even sat under the hotter-than-normal water, letting the stream cleanse him until he couldn't bear the feeling of his skin shrivelling up.
He reluctantly left the shower, drying himself off before wrapping the fluffy towel tightly around his waist as he went about his nightly routine of skincare and brushing his teeth.
For once in his life, he felt tired, more than ready to be in bed, scrolling through his phone until he fell asleep. But just as he crawled into the guest bed, setting his phone on the side table, his phone buzzed, and a notification appeared on his screen. It was a text from Namwook Hyung reminding him his rehab training started tomorrow.
Jaekyung couldn't help but roll his eyes. As if he needed a reminder. He'd been antsy about getting back into the gym even before he went into surgery. It had already been weeks since he had a proper workout, and he had already begun to notice a change in his body. His muscles were still well-defined, and he was definitely still the largest guy at the gym, but that didn't change the fact that, for the first time in a long time, he was losing progress.
He was ready to get back into things, excited to finally feel normal. So he willed himself to sleep, and if he dreamed of a warm hand wrapped around his arm, he would have forgotten it by the time his alarm went off the following day.
